Jilted
59
Jilted
You look to be crying my dear
Though I know you are not
Your brow has subtly dipped,
your mouth has waned...
Like a flower drooping with burden
Aged, and as lost as you seem
your voice drifts through the air
Soft, and weak...
Mild and meek
I wonder what lonely condo you inhabit
What scars you trace in the hours that are only to crawl into another dusk
You are a wanderer, a seeker of companionship
Yet never the beholder of what would complete you
Finding only anger, tears and emptiness
If I was to make you smile,
Not the smile you give out in pathetic custom
To be pitied as it lifts the heavy weight on each corner
But a smile to release caged birds from your eyes
and leave their tracks in the beautiful wrinkles
of a genuine smile
My heart would sing
To smile in earnest is to be weightless...
And my dear,
I would have you be weightless
if but for a moment
For all the make up you wear
cannot disguise the tear which cloaks your existence
A walking emblem
Of life's wear and tare
The flower who has wilted
The lover who has been jilted
I feel as if I might know you...
Are you the shadow of those
who society never chose?
Like many girls in high school I have seen
You are the shadow of what I might have almost been...
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A woman came into where I work and inspired this. I let what ques her character gave find a place on the stage of my imagination, and at first she reminded me of those girls in high school who sit alone not knowing what to do and hoping to be talked to...but older. Like what may happen to some of them. And then yes I identified with some thing of her loneliness, something I have known in my past. I have been one of those girls haunting my high school halls, wishing, seeking. Until I broke out. She was the one who never did... (in my mind) Thank you for reading! :D
Funny isn't it , men , women , all looking for that big pie in the sky. She is all of us at one time or another , no?
Wow how very sad. Loved it all the same!
The epitome of understanding the universal human condition, but painted against an individual whom we see -- and this is a priceless line -- "crawl into another dusk." There is both sadness and hope in this work -- which has in fact carried you beyond the inevitability it laments.
@ahorseback - I suppose she is the embodiment of a sad yearning, and that is something we have all felt, the remainder of a hope which has been disappointed, we all have been this for some moments. But to be surrounded by it, live in it... seemly trapped in it... that is something else entirely. And for whatever shadows in her life, she never escaped it, whereas most of us do.
@pennyofheaven - Thank you pennyofheaven, I felt a rushing river of sadness pouring from this woman who came into my office and inspired this. But it wasn't the sadness of a sudden tragedy, it was the casual sadness of a life time... potential never met, dreams disappointed. I was looking at a drowning lady, a ghost of a young girl who had once hoped... and she spoke to my own ghosts and tickled my imagination, to see ever such a person smile...would be magic. Thank you for reading! :D
@scriber1 - I am in awe of your fantastic vocabulary scriber1, you teach me something new every time and I thank you for that :) Lament... I will use this word in future. And indeed she was a walking epitome of disappointment, which is at times within us all. Thank you for reading, you always have such beautiful insight. Your work is delicious food for the mind, making me read it a few times in a delightful endeavor to understand it. Keep challenging me scriber1 in my development as a writer, thank you for commenting. :D
Hey Marina , In a way I understand this womans condition , when I was younger I was painfully shy . I got all tounge tied around women . And part of that equation was an enduring frustration in watching others handle love and life so easily ,knowing I was losing out on many great relationships. . Oh well , I have to be careful with generalizing , we do see a lot of people who seem to suffer in silence though , again great writing , you have a way! I wonder how many times men and women look beyond whats right in front of them , to dream beyond the realities of love and relationships. Stay well .
Few understand shyness to the level I do, and yet it is at the same time, no part of who you are.. it is just your captor... After much turmoil and confusion, a doctor eventually pegged it to be a social anxiety disorder. Yes, that is what I had and I will no doubt endeavor to one day convey this inner battle I had every day, it was one of quite serious nature. My "dark gift" I tasted much hurt, but I am also aware that those same struggles and toils have shaped who I am now, and for that I am eternally grateful. I too once could never talk to a boy, now most of my friends are boys. What age did you brake out of your shell? you stay well too. :)
I was well into my twenties , and now at 58 I often think of all the lost time and living, No doult social anx. myself. I have a few still. But all is well that ends well. We certainly are who we are! I never wrote anything untill I was 48 or so and see no end . Like you , this is all good for me. "Captors" can be so devastatingly controlling. Oh well, keep smiling and writing too. I for one love it!
Really? You too? That is so cool, to find someone else with the same. :D Most people have a lot of trouble understanding a real case of social anxiety and I can understand why. Did your anxieties start taking control by affecting you physically? I became real, real bad until I near couldn't do anything. But I'm a fighter and for me to be who I am and where I sit now is amazing, and I am immensely proud of it. I mean one day to find a group for people with the disorder so I can meet people who are fighting it now. I shall definitely try to convey social anxiety in future. Until then thanks ahorseback, I'm glad you're on Hub. :)
Oh Marina , you're such a deep person , I see it in you're writing , If I may say , they is a unique and powerful soul there and the world needs you and your writing. You have a lot to offer everyone , that little girl in the cacoon is emerging into a beautiful and colorfully winged creature. One that many will observe and marvel at in you're flight. There is a light inside you that needs to shine , shine on! Imagine how you could affect a young girl who is the same as you were, I picture someone reading about the secret of a hidden soul , and maybe being saved by your advice. You could do a hub about how the social anxiety turns people like you and I to stone , and how much of life that we let pass us by! I look at you're profile and see it there , perhaps those like us can spot it easier. There is a physical affliction to us that is similar to suffication, I think, and I often wonder of the real sacrifices we made. A group for those like us? Maybe you could do that , start one , I'd go! Stay well Marina , if you ever get down aout it, remember there are others . It all begins with reaching out , sceaming out if need be! I'll shut up now. Stay well .....
Thank you, I don't know what to say to such encouragement, other than thank you. I hope one day to be seen and heard, because I do believe now that I have worth... just a different kind. In school I wasn't the academic one, I was the good friend, and the one to avoid many teen pit falls despite the circumstances. Always so unseen, never heard... my journal was my best friend for years.
An observer, fear pressing so hard on our struggles, yes, "suffocating" in all our efforts to shatter the window where we watch beautiful possibilities pass us. I broke free, first in rage and then in peace. It wasn't until a psychology class in gr.12 that I understood my infliction, what it had been. I chose my project subject, "Social Anxiety" and unraveled myself, it was like... I, ME.. I was a text book case... It was uplifting, gave me new eyes for my past. I wrote my paper in the form of a story. My teacher took me aside one day and put another story in my hands. I read it, knew it... the character's feelings exactly. I looked up at my teacher and smiled saying, "I know these feelings, exactly." She smiled back and said,
"That was me."
So thank you ahorseback, it is always great to meet a new friend who has stared at a similar blackness, we certainly aren't alone. But we are often silent, may we be voices for others now. I think that's a great idea, start a group. Maybe I will in the near future. :)
Hi Marina, A really great and sad poem. Thanks for this. Michael.
Thank you Michael, I appreciate the read and comment! :D When I first saw this person I wanted to ask if something was wrong, but then you realize the tragedy is constant. Unrealized potential to such a point is very sad. Thanks again for stopping by and being a follower.
ahorseback Level 7 Commenter 18 months ago
This is haunting Marina , Is it self reflective ?, it's deep too. !